Editor's note:
Today is Jan. 27. This is the anniversary of Alice in Wonderland, where the world turns inside out and upside down. Many bloggers are celebrating the day today by entering that world.
In light of that, Im turning the controls over to Gretchen, the schnauzer.
Vie Gehts !
Ahem, not only do I have to think in human language, but also in English. I understand German better, being a German dog.
As usual, I woke up at 5 a.m. and did my morning duty of waking up the humans. It is an important part of my job. I also made sure there were no trespassers on the property when I went outside. I sounded the alarm when a pesky squirrel ran into the neighbors yard. I thought the neighbor should know about it.
Of course those low life creatures know better than to come in my yard. I just have no respect for an animal that eats acorns .. ewwwww.
I also greeted the dog across the alley. He is a good dog, but doesn't live in the house with the humans. Ive told him he needs to train them better than that. It was real cold this morning. It was so cold the humans were putting on extra skin. At least they have gotten over putting extra skin on me like they did when I was a pup. Oh the embarrassment. At least no other dogs saw me.
For a little while several of us dogs were singing the traditional morning dog song, and warning all the other creatures to stay out of our territory. Just when we were sounding good, my humans called me into the house.
Whats up with that? They always want me to come in the house just when we reach a really nice pitch together.
But I have compromised. Ive taught them to give me a little snack when i come in the house. That took a long time, but they finally got it. It doesnt matter if I have just eaten, i still want that snack.
It was stressful chasing away all the other vermin, and making sure our borders were secure, so when I came back in I took a nap.
One of the humans likes to carry around a ball. He isnt smart enough to put it in his mouth so he can hang on to it better though. Ive tried to teach him, but no luck. So the ball keeps flying out of his hand, so I go get it for him time after time. Silly humans, Why do they even try to carry around a ball if they can't hang on to it. They dont even chew on it. Ive even rubbed it in dirt and trash to make it smell nice for them.
I guess ill keep helping them keep track of it. Most of the time they cant even find it, so i have to sniff it out. Luckily that isnt very hard.
They are leaving now. I dont know where they go, but they put extra skins on, and leave every morning and talk about something called a d$$$ job. I dont know what that is.
But That means I have to be dilligent at my post. First I watch for coyotes. There are no coyotes in this city. There's a reason for that. They fear me for many miles.
Ill keep my eye out for that human they call the maleman. He is evil. He comes right up onto the porch as though this were his territory and puts things into a small box. I know thats a bad thing and the humans dont usually like what he puts in there. They fuss about something called bills. I know its the evil maleman's fault.
If it werent for me scaring him off he might come in the house and be further in our territory wihtout permission.
I know my humans appreciated it because when they are here, and I sound the alarm that the maleman is near, they also bark ... it sounds like no no no ... so we all scare him off. They are learning to bark better.
Makes me feel good to know they appreciate the protection I give.
Of course ill sound the alarm if anyone enters my territory, which extends as far as i can see out the window.
Well my human says he needs the computer. And im ready for another nap.
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17 comments:
I love the story! I truly do think dogs think thata way!
CUTE!
Sometimes my dog looks at me and I really wonder whats going on in that dog brain...hmmm, food, can I go outside for some outdoor fun? I sure hope they aren't thinking of giving me a bath again....
Twelve cyber butt sniffs from my dog to yours.... :)
that was cute. i'm still laughing. oh. don't tell the dog.
that was two minutes of my life I will never get back.
I think it is wonderful and a nice change from all the serious topics!
Right on JJ! I have a rabbit hole book I've been working on for a while now and was going to post a piece of it on here for you but there is a bit of vulgarity in it so opted not to. Funny part is it has a talking dog in it. Thanks for taking part in the day.
Here's a quick one I wrote. I appologize I don't have spell check on this program.
Before I begin I want to say this was way harder than I thought it would be. I write every day in about every genera so to find one that wouldn't be what I write about every day was very hard. I write history, politics, love letters, songs, poems, fiction, about myself, about sports, letters to God, and basically life lessons in general. What else could there be. In fact I thought about it for a bit and thought maybe my Rabbit Hole is to write nothing at all, but I think that is the cowards way out. So I decided to go with fiction in honor of Lewis Carrol and I'm writing a genera that I don't really like very often so we will give it a try and if you are looking for a great read I warn you this is probably not it. Enjoy or don't once again I don't do it for you.
The dust settles on the windy streets just in order to get kicked up once more by the hot, dry breeze. The wind itself could be soothing if not for the coarse sands scratching against skin as it whistles by. People gather close to door and window as the sun nears it's peak, bringing forth the brightest time of the day. Buzzards circle overhead waiting on their meal as their figure eights dance in the cloudless sky. The long hand of the clocktower creaks and moans out in pain as it lurches forward nearing it's time of reconing. The lone man stands in the sod road, sweat dripping from the tip of his nose but evaporating before hitting the ground. Thoughts of luck spring through his mind as the opponent doesn't seem to be showing meaning he may yet live to see another day. Alas this feeble hope shatters and blows away as a dust cloud in the distance nears revealing several large men riding their steeds of battle.
"Shall I run?" crosses the man's mind as his trembling hand shakes against his trusty Colt. "It will be hard to live with being called yellow but at least I will live."
Horses come to a halt fifty yards ahead of him as the notorious gang dismounts laughing and already praising their leader for a win he has not yet earned. The large worn and seasoned gunslinger spits his chew in the direction of his opponent as he motions his men towards the saloon. They cackle their taunts as they make their way to the watering hole each trying to get the best view of the mayhem about to ensue.
"You ready boy?" yells the large outlaw brushing his tan duster to the side reavealing the six shooter underneath. His beaten black hat is pulled low yet it still can not hide the firey rage burning in his eyes. Clicking comes from the well used yet still silver spurs afixed to his boots that look as though they have never seen a pollish.
"W-we don't h-have to do this," yells back the poor dirt farmer, so poor he had to borrow the gun and owns no hat himself. He squints and says a silent prayer to the sound of the decrepid clock once again clacking towards the end. "I will take my family and go. You can have our land. The only livestock we own has gone dry with the drought so it isn't worth much but it isn't like it's costing you anything. I'm giving it to you."
"You don't give me nuthin," yells the angry ruffian back at his feeble opponent, "I take what I want, hell your land is already mine your just too stupid to know it." He spits again then a cruel smirk crosses his face. "Tell you what since you're in the givin' mood how about you let me have that sow of a wife a yers and I'll let you leave with your son. Coarse the boy will grow up knowin' his pappy is yella' but ye'll live. Don't worry though me'n the boys'll take real good care of 'er, and it aint like yer boy can look up to ya now."
The bandits in the saloon laugh as they make vulger gestures at the poor man still shaking in the street. Their leader smiles proud with his insults at his men before returning his stare at the broken shell in front of him.
"Ah hell, might as well just kill ya anyways, then I'll go see your philly regardless." he spits grabbing his own crotch.
Time seems to freeze as the man instantly stops shaking. He feels a new awareness rush over himself brought on by the fear for his family. A spark has been lit deep within his soul that he had never realized was there before. In unison the clock ticks forward striking the bell as the colt is yanked from it's holster firing a single round. Lead spirals in the air in quick revolutions before finding it's target dead in the heart. The slow motion unpauses as the bandit removes his hand from his waistline raising it to his chest to find a warm gooey liquid spurting forth. Dropping to his knees his face goes cold before planting itself in the dirt. The crew stares slack jawed unbelieving what they have just seen. Turning towards the victor they hear the clock grind forward once more as the final five shots ring out with it, killing each one of them in a single blow.
Townspeople come quickly out of their hiding places to see if their eyes have lied. Advancing, the farmer hands the pistol and belt back to the saloon owner as he approaches his prey. Flipping the lifeless body to it's back he pulls the gun belt from the mouthy bandit and secures it to his own waste. Dusting the black hat he places it on his own head and stands once more. Looking down at the man he had feared with all his life moments before he smiles at the thought of how easy it had been to beat him. Spitting on the corpe he says, "Guess you should have left me with nothing to fight for," before turning and walking home to those he love.
Gretchen,
We humans thank you for your early morning dog song. Without it, we may have to sleep an extra hour or so. Then what would we accomplish? Sometimes you and your buddies allow us to stay awake in bed and reflect on our days a while longer. Society owes you a debt of gratitude.
Gretchen,
Please post more sometime!
It was a delight to 'hear' a dog's point of view :}
A question to consider for your next posting....
Please explain to us complicated humans how it is that you dogs can keep it simple and are so loyal even when we are grumps.
DEad Rabbit good thing you have some bolts and nuts to go sell because your screws have fallen out and just like your imagination have went to ACE hardware for repairs hahahahahaha
maybe they can talk some of your lost customers into stoping back by for a laugh
Very clever. You sir are a comic master. I will remember to pitch that joke next time I'm talking with the publisher that's been pitching my book. Who knows maybe you could be the next great comedian to starve to death from lack of class. Bravo sir bravo!
The affirmation-hungry shopkeeper wasted tens of reader's time as he hastily plagiarized his young son's story. Adverb clause laden sentences barrage the reader one after another after another as over description effectively buries the reader in irrelevant details and pointless, excessive images. Ending the passage with five consecutive sentences containg dangling participles, the writer proves, "Perfect sentences are simple sentences. A much simpler thought is broken up into two thoughts or two sentences. Adverbs are not your friends; they are the dandelions of your sentence and they multiply. To write with adverbs is human; to write without them is divine."
Better, just too bad you didn't participate in the actual day. Many people had alot of fun. Amazing thing about the story is before I wrote it I wrote warning that it was a quicky and not that great. Must have missed that part huh? The other funny part is I was asked today if it could be posted in a book called down the Rabbit Hole that is a collection of different short stories formed on the day. Hmm must not have been as bad as I thought. I was faxed a consent form tonight. In my experience nothing usually comes from requests like this but hey I'm guessing you've never had an offer as such. But what do I know everyone has the right to be a critic. I posted it for JJ and even said in the same note that quoted it wasn't very good that I wrote it for me and not affermantion but once again I think the post was a bit long for small minds. I hear Family Circle was quite good tonight so careful wrapping your brain around it. Once again be sure to pat yourself on the back now that you feel big and strong due to bashing me with the fear of posting your name. Kudos you completed a gramatical paragraph and still managed to prove you are spineless. Once again so you don't have to waste JJ's blog in order to insult me here is mine
http://deceasedrabbit.blogspot.com/
So far though I find most the insult hurlers are too cowardly to venture from their box. Aren't I supposed to be the one with no manners or tact? Anyways that's why all 4 of you aren't shopping my store right because I'm not a man and I insult you? Interesting that I'm man enough to post and try new things as many of you aren't even living life yet sure know the best pokes to throw at me. Maybe it's role reversal or maybe you just prove on a daily basis that you are full of it.
By the way this blog is the road, the poor sod farmer is me and the gun weilding bullies are the anonymous nay sayers that never do anything constructive with their lives. At the end of the day I have the love of my family and all of you can go lie in the dirt.
I know it may have been a tad deep.
Sorry JJ I hacked your account and found who the anonymous are and I have posted pictures of them to prove it. Once again I appologize for the invasion of privacy but I felt it was my civic duty.
http://deceasedrabbit.blogspot.com/2009/01/i-have-to-do-it-i-declare-war.html
Some of the faces may surprise you.
that's why all 4 of you aren't shopping my store right because I'm not a man and I insult you?
>>>>
That just reminded me, long time ago, i knew this mechanic who was real grouchy.
He would literally cuss you out for not taking proper care of your car - he also fixed small engines like lawn mowers.
Yet people flocked to his business.
He would say stuff like,
"dammit im real busy. You d+++ people wont take care of your s+++ and bring more in here than i can do. Oh h++ bring it in. Ill try to get to it. Gonna have to charge you extra. Ill bet you didn't take care of it like i said either, you stupid +++"
the thing was, we would take it in to him anyway.
This wasn't in Ark City.
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